Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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