woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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