those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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