My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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