it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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