Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
