Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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