you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
