6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How naked do you want me to be?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
