My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Panties = found
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