Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
