Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
