It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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