non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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