so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
