If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
