Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
