I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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