Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
