I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize