Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
