youre lurking in front of me
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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