I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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