i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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