your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
