the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
