Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
