I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
