Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
