He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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