she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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