I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
