In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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