Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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