I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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