I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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