fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
