when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
