we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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