Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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