Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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