i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
