so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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