Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
