I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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