fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
