I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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