These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
only if we run a train.
done.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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