you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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