Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
