I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
