need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My ass is underappreciated
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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