it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
