So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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