"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
