I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
