He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
