put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
