I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
