I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize