Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
