we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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