Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
