I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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