Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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