Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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