No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
