Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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