I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
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